Author Update; Things Happened and What this Means now

Well, now it has been a while, hasn't it? For those that were patiently waiting for months on end for my weekly updates, I do apologize. You see, September I went to Disneyworld, spent time being a kid and paying too much for everything. I had fun, a lot of fun, but that meant little to no writing. In fact, I think I'm still on the same part of the story I was back in September, the L5R game I had been writing about. Then November hit and I was doing NaNoWriMo, as most people know, which put a hold on my gaming writing. Then December, and I told myself I would get back to things, but like so many promises I make, I failed hardcore on following through. I also moved. The holidays hit, people spent time with family, I packed. Then January came about and I moved nearly half-way around the world. Nearly. I, of course, had my handy-dandy-netbook to type all my stories and get cracking on finishing my gaming project, but that didn't happen. Instead I explored my new home. I made friends with gaming locals, I spent way more money than I should have on all sorts of gaming related things, and I picked up my little computer with intentions of getting back to work. Of course, that didn't happen. Well, it sort of did.

You see, I started polishing up the first segments that I wrote dealing with the Legend of the Five Rings game I had been working on at the end of last year. I got to thinking, this is the most I've ever written on one story. It may not have been finished, but it was a lot and it wasn't half-bad. So I thought, "I want to publish this. I want this to be my first book." That, of course, required research, since it is technically fanfiction. What could and couldn't I do? What did I have to do in order to do what I wanted? The wonderful internet eventually gave me the answers, after days of combing through dozens of sites and compiling all the information I could on the subject. I contacted the people I needed to contact, and after a few weeks of e-mail exchange, I was denied. I'm not at all upset about the decision they made, I completely understand why and would have probably done the same if roles were reversed, but I was let down by the answer. Like a giant reject stamp had been thrown onto my tiny hope of getting my love of words out there.

Then I sulked. I sulked for a good month, perhaps longer. But in that time I started a new Pathfinder game, painted some miniatures, and played my go-to computer games. It was sometime in the second month of sulking that a friend reminded me that quitting is for losers, and you know what? It worked. I haven't gotten back on the saddle yet, so to speak, but at least I'm coming back around. There's much I want to finish, and even more that I want to start.

I definitely won't be posting weekly, it was quite difficult when I was doing it, and even then I barely made weekly postings... if I did at all. You know, I'm not sure if I ever did update on time according to my other blog. Whatever the case was, it won't be happening now. Now I will probably update once a month, maybe. I don't want to make any more promises. I actually lack a place I can sit at quietly and write. I gave up my writing desk with the move and also gave up outlets with this place. Seriously, there's like two in the entirety of the living room. That's not many. And then there's these other projects that are all hush-hush. Things I'm not sure I want post publicly before it has gone through draft after draft after draft, and/or been completed. I think I can get back to finishing up the L5R game I was working on, probably before the year is out, even with everything else I want to do. So there is that little gem, at least. It will get done. That I am certain of. When? That I do not know.

Don't get your hopes up, but I'm on a mission to complete something before the year is over. I don't want to feel like I just let 2014 pass by without doing something amazing. As if 2014 and the 365 days it encompasses really matters when measuring my life instead of the whole of time I've existed. I don't know, there's just something about this year that is telling me I have to get my ass moving and do something.

Session Seven; Suspicion Sets In

Katsumi had been running through scenario after scenario in her head. Every possible outcome of the situation with Kitsuki played out with her choosing a side between her duty to her family and her duty to her ward. She wasn’t in the business of breaking promises, but Kitsuki was just making it so very difficult to keep him alive and to uphold her loyalty to her clan. She stared at the floor, not wanting to look him in the eye. She didn’t want him pushing her into a decision she would regret, like he had attempted with the note. He volunteered her to help him, and then told her she had to do something. He didn’t get to direct her actions, and he sure as Jigoku didn’t get to pit her against her family.

“Asahina-sama,” a voice said from the other side of the door, which promptly slid open to reveal a rather irate Asahina. He entered in a huff and stared down Kitsuki. Apparently, Asahina took the ‘threat’ to his life a lot more personally than Katsumi had imagined he would. Granted, he wasn’t aware that Negisa had orchestrated the whole ordeal so Asahina faced little to no possibility of being harmed. That was information he wasn’t going to learn either. Nevertheless, Katsumi hadn’t expected Asahina to be so worked up about such a small attempt on this life.

Session Seven; A Grand Affair

Anjin noted Asahina’s door was closed when he walked by late in the morning, having slept in after last night’s journey. He had woken to a house that was much quieter than usual; it seemed nearly everyone slept in late. Everyone but Daigotsu, who was carving some small object at the dining table, and Matsu who was having her hair done up by Negisa. Anjin made certain to take a seat where he wouldn’t have to look at Negisa, or have her see him. He was uneasy about the deal he had struck with Negisa, and although his legs continued to feel better each day, he took heed of Daigotsu Katsumi’s warning that he was in over his head. Katsumi didn’t scare easy, as far as he could tell, and something about Negisa scared her. Something about Negisa scared him.

When Asahina’s door finally opened, Anjin was dismayed to see that he was busy being surrounded by attendants who were readying him for the wedding. He needed a moment of Asahina’s time, just a moment to express the dread he had been feeling ever since yesterday morning. He had made a mistake. Fallen victim in a moment of weakness. Dreams of being like everyone else had clouded his judgment, and now he had to let someone know who could do something about it. Katsumi had proven to be useless, refusing to take part in the conversation. Yes, it was taboo, but when had Katsumi ever flinched at what was not allowed? The only other person he trusted to handle things, including whatever would befall Anjin, was Asahina. So Anjin waited, not so patiently, for a lull in the activity to have a word with Asahina.

Finally, the opportunity presented itself. Asahina stepped out of his room, about to disembark for the ceremony when Anjin blocked his way as politely as one can block someone’s way.

“Asahina-sama, will you walk with me?” He glanced around nervously, knowing the rumors that had been spread from this house. “We must talk and one cannot be too weary of lingering ears.”

Asahina gave a slow nod and a weary look about him as well. “Of course, Kitsuki-san.”

They paced several feet from the house, closer to the bathhouse than any other building, but making sure even to avoid that. Anjin didn’t want to make the mistake of being too close to any place a living soul would be. He didn’t want anyone but Asahina hearing his confession of blasphemous intent.

“Some things have come to my attention, and I cannot tell you everything within these walls,” Anjin nodded his head towards the house. “The mightiest grove has trees whose branches will not reach towards the heavens. I’m afraid there’s someone among us whose goal, it seems, is to drag us into chaos. And I worry of her plots. I’m afraid at a moment of indiscretion, I fell into one of Negisa’s traps, and I’m not sure how to handle the situation, but I may need to call upon your help. We also need to keep this absolutely secret.”

Session Seven; Midnight Meetings

It had gotten dark a while ago, though Mikoto knew the sun was still up. It was just that the trees blotted it from view as it slowly sank below the horizon, a horizon she couldn’t see because she had gone so far into the forest she no longer knew where it actually ended. Hikaru and Hinata had led her there. It was on her orders, but originally she had believed they were just going to wander around town. Even after they had entered the woods, she had believed it would be just a short trek. Now, after several hours of tramping through bushes that pulled at her kimono, sinking into soft ground, and tirelessly following her lions, she had to find Katsumi or else she might not ever make it out of here. She was lost.

She wasn’t just lost she was also hungry. She was tired. And, most of all, she was angry. She was getting married tomorrow and not one of those she lived with was going to be there if they were all gallivanting in the woods. They probably didn’t even care, too busy with their stupid hunting trips and their stupid group outings that she wasn’t even invited to. Tsuruchi invited Shiba right in front of her, but did he think to even offer Mikoto the chance to decline? No, no he did not.

And what was Katsumi thinking? She was most obviously out here; otherwise, Mikoto wouldn’t be out here. Hikaru and Hinata were following Katsumi’s scent, so she had to be out here with everyone else, hunting and foregoing the wedding. Mikoto’s anger melted into sadness. Katsumi didn’t want to come to her wedding. She could empathize with that. If Katsumi were getting married, Mikoto knew she wouldn’t want to be there seeing Katsumi promise herself to someone else. It would be too hard to bare witness to, especially with the way she felt. Mikoto knew she was teetering on the edge of adoration for Katsumi, with the long drop to love lying below her, and Katsumi was like a weight pulling her off the cliff. Mikoto wondered why she hadn’t seen it before. Katsumi was already at the bottom, or at least in the same precarious situation Mikoto was. She probably felt the same way as Mikoto did for her. In addition, Mikoto was marrying Katsumi’s brother, that could make things more complicated for Katsumi’s feelings, she reasoned.

Hinata ran ahead, bounding through the trees and out of sight. Hikaru chased after her and Mikoto followed suit. They must be getting close; her lions hadn’t raced off like that the entire trip. Then Mikoto smelled it, something savory and warm, something was cooking. Her mouth began to water, it was past dinner and she was starving. She had skipped breakfast, and only eaten a small amount for lunch, too nervous about tomorrow and too preoccupied with where Katsumi was. Her stomach gurgled in response, as if agreeing that whatever it was that smelled so delicious needed to be consumed right away.

Session Six; Through the Woods

Katsumi sat cross-legged in the family room of Negisa’s house, silently waiting for the time to pass. Kitsuki sat across from her, not so rigid; he was lounging but also silent. He never seemed to have much to say to Katsumi, but that was alright, she didn’t like talking much and preferred if he didn’t hold a one-sided conversation. Not that she had known Kitsuki ever to hold a one-sided conversation. Besides, she wasn’t much in the mood for conversation either, all the things that had happened today, the things that no one should know outside of her family, those would be the things brought up by Kitsuki, and he wasn’t family. So, they sat with only Negisa’s shuffling around the house to fill the air.

He was looking at her, she knew even though her eyes were downcast. The way Kitsuki looked at her when he believed her to be lying. She knew the look because she could feel the weight of his gaze. It amused Katsumi at times because she hadn’t lied to Kitsuki since the one time in his tent, the morning after he learned about her curse, and he had caught her in it. Since then, it seemed like there was no point to lie. She wasn’t good at lying in the first place, and the fact that Kitsuki had seen through her first and only lie to him proved it was futile. There was a reason Katsumi didn’t enjoy conversation, besides being a bore most of the time, she didn’t trust herself to answer delicate questions in a matter that was acceptable to others, others like Kitsuki.

Session Six; Learning About Each Other

Katsumi dropped her bones into the bowl, savoring the sound as she always did. It calmed her mind, it was her center, and it pushed out all the uncertainties. When she was young and saw visions in bowls of water, and whispers spoke to her from tealeaves at the bottom of cups, it was that sound of the bones that promised to keep it at bay. It was her control over the sometimes-frightening answers to questions she had not asked. And every time she dropped the bones into her bowl, she was reminded about how confusing life was, and how it would all be all right.

She set the bowl down and opened the pouch she had brought back from the woods. After the conversation with Negisa, Katsumi had decided she needed more answers to the questions that still remained at large. So she had trekked back through the forest to where they had burned the bodies of the tainted Naga, grabbed a handful of ash from under the skeletal remains, and came back to see what the Realm would offer. Katsumi dumped the dust on top of her bones, she was hoping for any sort of information really. Where this taint came from? How it affected the Naga that Negisa swore couldn’t be tainted? Who was behind it? Anything that could shed some sort of light on what they were working against out here.

Session Six; A Warm Welcome

The first leg of the trip was silent as the grave. Kyuzo was deep in thought trying to figure out what to do with the new friend of theirs. She obviously was coming to town with them, but after that, what would they do? And why was she out in the woods? And even further, what was she doing awake? The Naga were supposed to be sleeping, at least, that’s what he believed. Yet here one was, being hunted by her kinsmen, triumphing, and now attached to his side and following them back to the city he was running. Not to mention whatever happened in the woods with the spirit that turned her Naga friends against her. That was also something he would have to worry about. First, what he was going to do with her needed to be worked out.

“We…” Shiba was the first to say something in over an hour, “Should probably not be walking into town with a… Naga.”

Her timid voice floated effortlessly across the space between them. She was behind Daigotsu, who was behind the Naga, which was behind him, and Tsuruchi took the lead.

“Honestly, I’ve thought about that, and the thing is… I don’t want to…” How could he say this in a way that others could understand? “For lack of better words, I don’t want to hurt her feelings because I don’t want to make her mad.”