Savior

It killed him not to know this, but he'd all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them. Her face was fading from his thoughts, along with all humanity, slowly draining from the empty cavity of where his heart ought to be. He didn't need love, pity, remorse. Those were emotions for the weak. Those were emotions that drove him to this land of ice, of unfeeling, of loyal obedience, of power. The telling signs of time gone by blurred the quickly fading memories kept behind his cold blue eyes of an ageless face the world had forgotten. And though he rarely thought of her he'd sometimes reach out at night to find himself alone and not where he longed to be. The longing would subside as soon as his consciousness took over, and the little rest he needed continued to diminish over the time he spent killing himself to prove his worth to the new voice that drove him. His new master in his new home.


He knew there was no turning back, the decision had been made. Each day he was further from everything he had known before, and everything he had once wished to be. There was no reconciliation for him now. The words they had spat at each other and the fight that had ensued had put him in his place. This place so far away where he often found himself passing the time reliving all the moments he had lost. All the moments he could have said no truer words than what they had always left unsaid. All the moments he constantly failed her, and himself. Hiding behind the walls they had both built. His of a terrorized past, a monster he wished to remain hidden. A traitor and a murderer. And hers of... he never knew. He was never able to break through and so he disappeared.

Even though he was to give up all emotion. Even though his heart was no longer in his chest. He still felt the twinges of pain, warmth, and hatred from those memories that pressed in on him. Constantly wondering if he had made a mistake allowing her to get close to him. If he had been blind and it was all a cruel joke... but she had followed him. Many times she had sought him out. She came to comfort him when he had given up on the world. She had accepted all the evil things he had done in the past. Even held him and smiled at him as if he were the only one in her life. If that wasn't love then what other way was there to get out? Things had to have happened the way they did, there was no other way.


Her days pressed on with constant reminders of him. Everywhere she went his memory would follow her like a heavy shadow, crushing her soul with the weight of regret. As much as she wished she could curl up and cry she knew she had to keep moving. To continue to live and attempt to move on from that dreadful night. Life doesn't wait for any mortal, and she was not excluded from that rule. And so she pushed on, following the motions of every day though inside her raged a hurricane of emotions brought about each time her thoughts slipped to him. To those days that would eventually shrivel and die from her thoughts once she learned to not dwell on them. A task she wouldn't find easy to do.

Her hand slipped into her pocket as it often did in moments like this. Times she would becoming preoccupied with everything they had shared over the years. Times she needed a smile to cross her face from a happy memory they made together. The cool brass key was there, as she made sure to always have it. It was his. A key to his home he had left when he believed to never be returning, long before the recent events that almost guaranteed he wouldn't be coming home. She didn't live there, nor had she ever, but he left it to her. On her darkest days she would open the door to sit on the floor just to be near something that was once his. To feel like he was there and imagine how much different life could have been.

Uncurling her fingers she looked down at the small key. Her palm flaming red from clutching it tightly as if holding onto it were holding onto him. A small brand left in her flesh from the pressure she had exerted. It would fade away soon, much like every thought of him. Time would make the questions harder to answer as it swept the details away like sand. She would forget his sins. His story. His life. She would forget that night when he held nothing but contempt for her because of two words she had uttered. And though he had meant to harm her that day she didn't hate him. Not for that. Not for anything he had ever done. She just wanted to save him while there was still something left to save. Some shred of humanity that kept him going, kept him coming back to her. Something she feared he would lose if she wasn't ever present in his life.


One thousand miles apart the space felt endless between them, yet both were constantly crowding the other's thoughts. After everything there was nothing left for either to say to change matters, but so much that was left undone, unsaid, un-acted on that they couldn't help but question if this was the way it should be. It wasn't their choice any longer, it had worked out how it was supposed to, leaving two souls torn between the present and the past. Between hopes and fears of the future. Between nightmares and dreams. The world a cascading symphony around two beings drowning under their own guilt. Being pulled under as they silently worded the questions they still had, and knowing neither would ever supply the answers.

She looked up at the sky, knowing he was under it somewhere. "I don't hate you... I just wanted to save you." A whisper never meant for anyone to hear, slipping the key into her pocket and moving on with the world.

He starred across the icy mountains, a place he was sure she would visit someday. She always came after him, always found him, it was just a matter of time. "I still love you... but this wasn't love and I'm not him anymore." He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, pushing the thoughts of her away. His new life was one of coldness and warm memories had no place.

• For more stories regarding Tserai you can visit Into The Dark, a blog done by the original creator of Tserai Azurio.