Session Four; A Night to Forget

Morasahi clutched the shochu bottle contemplating using it as a club with which to hit Tsuruchi. It would probably get him to stop talking. Granted, he would be on the floor, possibly bleeding from the skull, and Morasahi couldn’t guarantee he would still be alive, but that was a price she was willing to pay. And what was he going on about now? Fishing? Or Sailing? It was something about water. Whatever it was Morasahi didn’t care so she had stopped listening long ago. She was too wrapped up in her unfortunate life to give Tsuruchi even the slightest bit of interest, even for politeness’ sake.

The party had ended, but even before then Morasahi was brooding over the events of the night. She did not enjoy the bustle of social situations, even less so when she was ignored by everyone except Tsuruchi who followed her around and talked, and talked, and talked. This just wasn’t her place in life, yet there she was, amidst a crowd, feeling uncomfortable and unwanted. Now it was just her, Tsuruchi, and Asahina drinking into oblivion while Tsuruchi and Asahina argued about whatever it was they were arguing about and Morasahi contemplated all the wrongs in her life.

It began with Go. Why couldn’t she just unhinge like Asako Yuji could? Every time she sat down at the table, whether against him or anyone else, it became all about winning. She planned five moves ahead, she was aggressive, and she would find the very best way to best whoever it was on the other side. Even when it was Yuji. She kicked herself for it. She wanted simply to enjoy the game, and although Yuji was a challenging opponent, he played differently than she did. Where she strove for victory, he played to learn something new. Where she knew her next move by a series of calculated factors, he waited until his opponent’s stone was placed before considering what to do next. It wasn’t that he lacked foresight, Morasahi knew that, it was just the way Yuji lived in all aspects of life. In the moment.

Afterwards she didn’t even speak with him again. Morasahi found conversation extremely difficult. She filtered and scrutinized every word before she allowed it to come out of her mouth, causing her speech often to be broken and ideas hang without an ending. The times she didn’t it usually resulted in offending someone because she spoke exactly what was on her mind and that wasn’t always the most polite thing to say. Add in a room full of people and Morasahi knew to keep her mouth shut. Give greetings when needed, answer questions politely, and above all else, never engage in conversation. Something other people did not understand, like Tsuruchi.

Tsuruchi never shut up. Even when Morasahi had given curt answers and shown disinterest, he did not stop talking. She even refused to answer or acknowledge him at a few points and he just kept going. Today was his first day in town, and Morasahi wasn’t sure she could stomach many more with him around. Even with how bad the Spider were, creeping in from every direction, Tsuruchi was worse because you always knew when he was near. Like in the garden earlier tonight when she was trimming the bonsai tree. It was supposed to be meditative and Tsuruchi, who recognized she was trying to connect to the void through this act, began on a tirade about art and how different people interpreted it. It was ridiculous. She didn’t even get to finish the tree.

Oh yes, the tree. It was her second tree. The first… It didn’t make it. Morasahi had snipped a crucial segment of the foliage off, and in attempts to “fix” it, she then massacred the other side of the shrub. It was so terrible to behold she had hid the remains. She did not want anyone to know what she had done for fear of being the butt of many jokes to come. Many whispers behind her back, and smirking faces patronizing her with questions on how she’s coming along in her studies, in her abilities. Everyone knowing she was not as talented as her sister was and reminding her of it every, single, day.

Morasahi felt the sting of embarrassment in her chest. All that anger, regret, and disappointment that she kept locked away inside, which she was so careful not to spill aloud, began boiling over with the added embarrassment of tonight. Oh no, here it came. Her face began flushing fully; it had already been reddened from too much drink, now she felt the burn on her neck spreading quickly. She pressed her lips trying to keep her feelings under check, but it was too late. Her eyes welled up with tears and silently they poured down her face. She gasped in a short, shuddered inhale and it was all over. Morasahi began weeping.

“I dint teven get to finsh…” She cried, knowing full well both Asahina and Tsuruchi were probably staring at her. The room had suddenly fallen to an uncomfortable silence. Great, that was another thing she ruined now. They were so happy a moment ago, and here she was, making a scene because she let the floodgates loose with too much shochu.

“I dralnk tsoo mulch,” Morasahi tried to defend herself from questions the two hadn’t asked. She knew they were thinking it but just being too polite to say it to her face.

She took another drink and wiped at her face, blinking blearily at those sharing the room with her. Tsuruchi turned as soon as Morasahi was looking at him and began hurriedly talking with Asahina again. Asahina took a little longer to recover, slowly being drawn back in by Tsuruchi’s babble. They were doing what one ought to do when confronted with a samurai losing face, politely ignore it. For some reason this didn’t make her feel better. Here she was, dishonoring herself in such a manner, and those she held contempt for kept their wits about them acting as if the entire world was right.

However, it wasn’t right. The whole world had gone to Jigoku once the Empress decreed the Spider amnesty. Before that even, when the things from the Burning Sands had come to claim Rokugan as theirs and so many, many casualties were had. The Crab lost all their land from the Destroyer Wars, and although they‘re reclaiming and rebuilding, the world was shaken by Kali-Ma and her minions. Before that, even. Her world had started crumbling when her sister replaced her as yojimbo. She hadn’t found a footing since, and with tragedy after tragedy, she wasn’t sure she ever was going to.

Yes, she had been the good daughter and accepted the slight with silence. Allowed herself to be replaced simply because she was supposed to be happy she was even given thought to. Morasahi knew she was strong and would continue on, because that is what life was all about. Nevertheless, she also knew she was so tired of being passed by and struggling just to get to stand at the bottom of the ladder, being a foothold for those climbing over her. Why didn’t she deserve a little praise or notice? It wasn’t too much to ask that people see how talented she was instead of sliding her to the back while they lavish another who wasn’t even better than she was. It wasn’t too much to ask at all.

“Hey,” She shouted to Asahina, “I kin kill people jush ash swell ash syou. I donneed to cuddup clothesh to prove tha‘.” Whether he understood her was unclear, he only afforded Morasahi with a brief glance.

“I can…” She quietly assured herself, allowing her self-doubt to overpower her thoughts.

She probably could… maybe. Now she wasn’t so sure and began bawling again. She couldn’t do anything right. She didn’t even need to say right; she just couldn’t do anything at all. She couldn’t even talk to Yuji and she had known him for years. That was what started this all, wasn’t it? It was the party tonight, and her self-deprecating into a drunken stupor. That is all it was. That is all it was. She felt her mind defog slightly and her breathing slowed. That is all it was, she nodded to herself.

Morasahi tried to focus on solving the problem. If she had an end goal, she found it easier to fix the situation. Steps, factors, and planning calmed her nerves. Her world wasn’t ending, and although painful, her life wasn’t a tainted mess. That is all it was, she repeated over and over again, soothing her tumultuous soul. The problem was so simple; it was just talking to Yuji. Just talk to him, that’s all she had to do. Just talk in general. To anyone. She could do that. Morasahi’s tears stopped trickling down her cheeks. Her breathing was still shaky, and so was she when she stood to go to her room. But she knew what she had to do. Just talk to someone.

Now hopefully she remembered in the morning. On second thought, after making a fool of herself tonight, perhaps it was better if she didn’t remember but wrote it down instead. Yeah, she could do that. Just talk.

***

Katsumi awoke staring at the wall of a tent, the soft hiss of stone on metal coming from behind her where Yanagi was most certainly sharpening his bisento. It was such a common noise to her she recognized it immediately. Still in Yanagi’s tent, that was a good thing considering last night was another full moon. Mentally she checked off location from the list that she ran down every morning after the full moon and began systematically going over the rest. She was nude; she could feel the blanket on her bare skin and no pull on her shoulders from a kimono. Okay, that wasn’t how last night started. She went to sit up and found herself cuddling a small piece of cloth. That also wasn’t how last night started. Pulling it into view so she could examine it her heart skipped a beat. White silk with the symbol of the Spider dyed on it, it was obviously the mon of someone. There wasn’t blood on it, or her hands, so hopefully she hadn’t killed someone to collect the trophy. Katsumi sighed and rolled over to face Yanagi, holding up the cloth.

“Do I even want to know?”

Yanagi smiled mischievously, “Matsu looked stunning, and so did Negisa.”

Katsumi let out another sigh. Of course Negisa would be behind this.

“And so did you,” Yanagi added.

Well that explained the lack of clothes. However, the mon still hadn’t been answered.

“And Asahina is a wonderful artist,” Yanagi’s grin grew.

Kuso… Katsumi thought. “This is mine then?”

“Well… You did kind of give it to him. Did you want to keep it now, or did you want to give it back to him again?”

“You could have just said I didn’t want to know,” Katsumi balled up the mon and tossed it at Yanagi, it fell tremendously short being so small and light.

He chuckled and shook his head, returning to sharpening his blade. Katsumi watched him, propping herself on her elbow. She didn’t move to get dressed and she didn’t care what time it was. She just enjoyed the moment, listening to slow scrape of the whetstone, a sound she wouldn’t be waking up to again any time soon. Watching Yanagi’s methodical movement as he ran it over his polearm. Katsumi thumbed at the scars on her chest, tracing each one placed above her heart.

“You’re leaving today,” Katsumi said susurringly.

“I am,” responded Yanagi.

“We haven’t spent much time together.”

“We have not.” He stopped running the stone over his blade and gazed at Katsumi. She shuffled out of the blankets and behind Yanagi, draping her arms over his shoulders and nestling her head against his.

“We’re together now,” she whispered in his ear. Yanagi reached up and caressed her arm, leaning his head against hers.

“That we are.”

He slipped his hand down Katsumi’s arm and gripped her wrist, turning up her palm and cradling her hand in his. He flicked her finger against the blade of his bisento, slicing it. Katsumi’s heart raced excitedly as Yanagi drew her finger into his mouth, sucking on the wound and milking it with his teeth. He must have dropped his polearm because he turned on Katsumi and grappled her sharing a fiery kiss. She could taste her blood in his mouth, which only fueled her hunger.